Golf outing, Wives Versus Husbands

Wives By Jill Muylle
We almost had our New York girls together again.
Lupe hurt her knee so there were only three.

Let me start off by tell everyone I had a golf dream the night before the scramble that I had killed someone with a golf ball that I hit. Not sure who it was as they looked like a person on the Wii game system.
When we got to the Papesh home I tell everyone about my dream. We have a few laughs and move on.

We started off slow, the Papesh family was up and almost ready. Joe was in the front yard weed whacking with his 7 iron and Dawn was inside getting ready for the sitter. We're off and as fast as we left, we are heading back. Dawn forgot something and we had to return, off again.

We arrive at the golf course and try to confuse people with our three person teams, but Julie came to the rescue to help out. We stopped in for donuts and coffee, then went to look for our golf carts. Joe appears and tells us that our golf cart is sponsored by the funeral home.
Now how ironic is that, I dream of killing a person and then we have the funeral home for a sponsor.

Our start was not so bad, we got an eight on a par 5. We did get par twice and boogie once. We saw the men on the course a few times, but from a distance. So we were not able to talk to them about how they were doing. However we were able to see someone swing three time before hitting the ball on his forth swing (We won't mention any names ,Dennis!). So we knew we were not the only ones on the course having trouble. About the third hole in, Dawn moves behind me and says shhhh, as she loosens Amy's golf bag. It took some time but sure enough clunk clunk off it falls. Amy can't hear it so I have to say "Oh what is that? Your bag fell off the cart" It got some laughs, but then it was on! Amy awaits for Dawn to get in her cart, then drives Dawn's cart aways by pushing it with her cart. The bag loosening went back and forth, I'm not sure who's turn it is to prank, but I'm sure it will be a good one!
Then we come to a hole that our friend Lisa is working at. Lisa asked if we wanted a pointer?
She says "Everyone is using their irons on this hole."
When Amy flips her driver over and looks at it confused and says "This is iron!"
Lisa turns and says "Enough said, use that one!"
It was a great moment you had to be there to see the look on Lisa's face!
Now we have finished golfing and it is time for lunch.
As we are walking up Lisa Wright stops Amy and says "Look what I found in the woods!" As she hands Amy a golf ball that has Bojo written on it. We start laughing because Amy did not have a ball like this, so there is only one other Bojo that it could belong to. I would like to add that Amy may have hit some trees but she did not loose any balls in the woods!!

We didn't think we had done so bad, until they announce the winners and losers. When they announced they say the score and then the name of the winner. However for the last place losers in the Womens division they says "For lack of embarrassment, last place goes to Dawn Papesh's team!" I go up to ask how bad we really did, it seems we were 36 over par. I believe we were the best losers ever!! We take home a case of toilet paper.
All in all we had a great time!
Now I'm going to let Mike tell you about the Husbands.

Husbands By Mike Muylle

Dennis and Amy arrive to pick up Jill and I bright and early. We all head to the Papesh's bright eyed and bushy tailed.

Let's back track to Thursday for a minute. Dawn, Amy, Jill, Joe and myself went to Kokomo's to shag a few golf balls to get our swings down. Since I'm discussing the husbands, I will stick only to us. Joe steps up behind the driving box. I glance over and it appears Joe is a decent golfer. Nice bag, nice clubs... looking pretty fly he is. I stand there thinking to myself "Good deal, at least Joe will be able to hold us above water on Saturday". I intently watch Joe to get a god idea of what was to come. After his first couple swings I went from thinking he could hold us above water to we may sink very fast. By the end, after almost hitting Dawn a few times, things weren't looking to bad... but we are hitting in a dome... so it is hard to get a good feel.

Now back to Saturday morning. We pull in, and Joe is in his front yard taking swings at practice balls warming up. We pile out of the Bojo van to watch. WHIFF... WHIFF... WHIFF. Well, lets say, the balls were not hurt. It's early, these are just warm up swings.... I am sure it won't be this rough when we get on the course. As we wait for Dawn to give final instructions to the sitter, Joe grabs his golf bag. He proceeds to grab a shirt, lays it on the bag. He then states out loud that he needs a hat. He turns, selects not one, but 2 hats and puts them into the bag. He tells Dennis and I that he should be good to go as he has his extra shirt and a couple hats in case one gets wet.... What the hell??? This is a golf outing not a damn Formal dinner! I can just imagine that he also has a pair of new undershorts, tightie whities i am sure, and socks in his bag that we did not see. Dennis leans over to me and says "What a woman."

While awaiting the shotgun start most everyone grabs some donuts and coffee. Dennis is having tremendous difficulty keeping the beverage in its cup. Whether he is talking or walking he is spilling it. Joe is throwing jabs in about Dennis' handling of his java. After spilling it in the cart, Dennis gets a refill and puts a lid on it. Joe strolls up, coffee in hand, and proceeds to point down at Dennis and pours his coffee all over. These 2 have not even touched an Alcohol beverage yet and yet can not control the flow of liquids.

As I said earlier, Joe "looked like he could play golf". He strolls up to his bag after strapping it on to the cart and pulls out a brand new glove. He did not have one on Thursday. Now I am starting to get it. Joe is putting fear into the other golfers by "looking" like he knows what he is doing on the links. This wasn't as evident until later in the morning when I notice Joe pulls out a gadget that holds quite a few ball markers and golf tees. To myself I am chuckling... at least he looks good. Then he drops the hammer. I believe I had asked Dennis about how far we were from the green when he says "I do not know, ask Joe to pull out his scope and scope it". You have got to be kidding me, Joe even has a damn range finder too!! Is there anything else he can have to make him look like he is an actual golfer!!!

Shortly after starting, Dennis pulls out his cooler he brought. No, it is not a cooler for beverages, but a cooler for his Stoggies. He picks out a cigar and grabs his butane lighter. This lighter could have powered my grill at home. After a few flicks, there is no flame. Dennis grumbles. I comment that it must be a bummer that his lighter won't work. Dennis assures me there is no need to worry, that he always carries a spare. At the next hole, he pulls out the spare, which is a twin to the first one, and lights up. A few holes later, he feels the need for a second. He digs in the side of the cooler pulls out the spare and "flick, flick, flick" no flame. I start to laugh and tell him that it must be a real bummer to have the spare not work also. Dennis assures me again to not worry, he carries fuel also. Again at the next hole, he pulls out lighter fluid that he carries just for this type of emergency. Now that is what I call a die hard cigar smoker.

I do not want to bore you with hole to hole coverage, but I can sum it up pretty well. Just about every hole went like this. Joe hits the ball on about a 20 degree angle right. Not a slice mind you, he just hits it right. Now, a few swings and misses might have happened before he hit it, but when he did... yup, to the right. Dennis was a bit more unpredictable. Sometimes it would slice right, sometimes it would hook left, sometimes it would not move, sometimes sod would fly.... but the ball would not.

On one of the holes there was a couple ladies selling 50/50 tickets at the tee box. Joe offered to go first. After asking these ladies how rough our wives looked when they came through earlier and chuckling about it, he steps up between the white markers, places his ball on his tee and prepares to drive the ball. Joe winds up and put both ass cheeks into this swing, for what Dennis and I think was to "look the part". He follows through on the ball, barely hitting it. His front foot slides behind him on the upswing and he damn near face plants in the box. Dennis and I bust a gut laughing.

The back nine beer girl was surely thinking these 2 would need to be cut off early as Dennis runs head on full speed into Joe's cart, with her just one fairway over. Dennis throws on the charm and blames the wet grass for not being able to stop and Joe plays the innocent victim in this accident. A few beer stops later, Ashley the beer girl stops as we are chipping on to the green. She says she will stick around until we are done on the hole. Dennis and I start throwing jabs at Joe who was chipping first. As what happened when he felt like showing up for softball, Joe swings and misses!! Again we are laughing as Joe is failing to impress the young lady. He thinks quick and asks her if she would like to hit this for him. HAH, Joe getting someone else to do his job. She obliges. She steps up and makes a comment about having to hit over the "beach", the hip term for sand trap. She swings but tops the ball and it goes about a foot. Joe hops all over it and starts to give her a hard time. Ashley calmly looks at the laughing Joe and states to him "Well, at least I can HIT the ball!". HAHAHA, Dennis and I again as Joe gets put into his place.

There was one hole in which Joe needed to hit out of the rough. Off to his immediate right was the group of women ahead of us awaiting to tee off at the next hole. Joe, knowing every shot he has hit has gone in that direction, grasps his club with 2 hands, puts his head down and says "God, please, just let me hit this ball straight". The big guy upstairs was listening as we all witnessed a small miracle as Joe hit his ONLY straight ball all day!

After the many shots we put on different holes greens, other holes tee boxes and in woods it was done. We donated our share of money to the various games we could do throughout the course. We just kept reminding ourselves it was for the kids. None of us got anything for it but the enjoyment of watching each other play. I thought we did alright. I was pretty sure we did not finish in last place. The guys got done about a half hour before the girls and just in time to get our food and fill our need for food. After lunch they went through the prize winners... and losers. Sigh, we tied for last place and won (?) the tiebreaker... Joe, Dennis and I got to split 60 rolls of toilet paper........

You will see us on the course next year and look out we will all be in good form!